This blog post is completely off the cuff, not planned or sponsored, there aren’t fancy new products to review. Sorry to disappoint! I received my US magazine in the mail today and it compelled me to write. I realize the first two generalized thoughts are: “Then why do you pay for it?” “Why do you read it?” Let’s answer these questions and get them out of the way:
First, I don’t pay for this magazine subscription. If you go to a lovely website called MercuryMagazines.com and take a few surveys you acrue points that equate into “dollars” for you to put towards magazine subscriptions. I could have magazines coming out of my ears if I read that many, I haven’t paid for a magazine in years with the exception of Vogue. Lastly, because I’m a sucker just like rest of us. I like to know what’s going on in the world, to a point. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m the most intelligent, well-read individual on planet. I’m a Certfied Pharmacy Technician Extroidinare, Beauty Insider, beauty and makeup product reviewer, and brand ambassador for a few cosmetics companies. I also started a blog this year. Hell, I probably have no idea what I’m doing. But, YOLO. Right?
US Magazine delivers just the right amount of naivety cleaverly disguised by catchy headlines and beautiful faces. There have always been a few things about this particular publication that I find obnoxious.
For example their: “Stars! They’re just like Us!” Two page spread of pictures of famous people grocery shopping, teaching their child how to catch a baseball, or going for a run. Well no shit, they’re human, aren’t they? Why the hell do we as a mass populas give a shit what Reese Witherspoon looks like after Yoga? I can guarantee you its better than I do when I leave for work in the morning. Honestly, how many thousands of advertising dollars make that two page spread possible? I cringe at the thought.
The endless accounting of The Kardashian Klan is a little invasive. I wouldn’t be shocked to find out they own 50% of any number of these rag-mags. Turn your attention to the lovely diorama put together by an Us staffer to point attention, for some reason, directly at rapper “The Game.” His picture is the only one that looks normal, as he stands proudly and confidant. It’s probably cropped out of an album release party red carpet photo op. Kim and Khloe are so oddly angled and cropped it almost looks like a diorama I would’ve made when i was 9 years old.
The Kardashians are what they are, take it or leave it. There’s no need in expending extra energy ‘hating’ them, they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and certainly not back to Paris. (Too Soon?) Opinions of the family aside, who’s idea was it to come up with this nearly incestual string of one night stands and friends with benefits that the Kardashian-Jenner clan has shared. Who’s the guy at US magazine that sat there and said “Yup, this is it, this is gold. Let’s run with it.” Pause for reaction, Really? I kind of want to punch that guy in the face. Not in defense of the Kardsashina-Jenner family, because it’s sleazy. It’s factual accuracy is neither here nor there, did the world really need that printed on a piece of paper millions of times? I think not.
The centerpiece of it all is the alleged plot of Angelina Jolie to destroy Brad Pitts life. Seriously? They didn’t get married for years, and probably for good reason, then finally caved upon the request of their little ones asking Mommy and Daddy to get married. Who can say no to that? Well, I can but i’m also kind of an asshole.
I understand the headlines, and stories behind them, sell the magazines but when did US become one of “those”magazines. You know what i’m talking about, the extra sleazy magazines you see while you’re standing in line at the grocery store, they’re pointedly placed right at eye level so you can read about Bill Clinton being abducted by aliens as you see your grapes pass by. The magazine that you don’t even pick up because you know it’s that bad. Us, I’m pleading with you, don’t go there.
Just because all the other girls are doing it doesn’t mean you have to. Peel yourself off of the floor, brush your teeth, and clean it up a little. Maybe some resemblance of your former self respect will creep its way in again, I hope it will. I’m a beauty blogger for god sakes
I have to look at your magazines, please don’t make it torture. M’kay?
PS Spencer Pratt you’re still a douche